Let the Good Times Flow or Let the Tears Flow.......

Many times I promised to move on.. to forget him completely.. in my previous write-ups, always I consider not to cry anymore but every time I know I am just cheating myself as that is not what I truly feel.. here I am again, crying and could not understand why should I feel this way – I replied to his mail that I am really happy for his great achievements but I could feel deep inside me the truth my heart is very lonely.. As I am writing this I am playing the album of Sonia entitled “Let the Good Times Flow” - the same album I gave him when we were still in Singapore.. Just as the songs being played, I also “let my tears flow” from my eyes!!!!!!! When would that time comes when I do not love him anymore and realize that I should not cry because he never loves me?!?

One Saturday Dusk at La Corniche.......

One Saturday…….just wanted to freeze and wishing you are there – viewing the dusk!

As Time Goes By.......

Thanks a lot, HC for your e-mail when you learned that I’m here in Casablanca and letting me know that your name is synonymous with the main actor’s real name, Humphrey, of the movie Casablanca. I would like to thank Liz for sharing a copy, that for curiosity I’ve just finished watching it - I did not much appreciate the movie as I was expecting a different ending although I love the song “As Time Goes By..” And one thing that inspired me is the statement of Richard as his parting words - “am doing this and someday you will realize it…” I could relate my experience in Singapore wherein I insisted going back and forth but nothing made me a better person there. When I said to HC that I miss Singapore – he is right when he said that “We grumble when we are here but miss it when we are away. Anyway, Singapore awaits your return.” I know as time goes by, Singapore would be a different memoir for me and as I am here in Casablanca I must move on and try to realize that someday the Man whom I met in Singapore was just the one I used to love and never reciprocated that love as it’s so impossible to happen!

Be Yourself, No Matter What They Say.......

It’s Mawazine 2010 – Festival de Musiques et Rythmes du Monde at Rabat. Last night, somebody invited me to watch the concert of Sting. So we traveled from Casablanca to Rabat and at the meeting place there’s this Artists’ Exhibit and I am so amazed to see all the exotic artworks being displayed. I was able to buy a simple item from the artist Maryline Bottero and while going around, it reminded me of someone when I saw those coffee table books about the various places in Morocco which are similar in presentation as the “Shining Through” book. Good thing my attention was called that I was able to divert my emotion as it was suggested that we had dinner first at a Thai Restaurant ( I forgot the name) as the concert is scheduled to start at 9:30PM.. At the concert, I could not forget a certain phrase of Sting’s first song which is “…be yourself, no matter what they say…” Am trying to change my lifestyle here now when outside the workplace as I still have to uphold my dignity and professionalism in the Company.. last Friday, I went home late as my friends invited me to have fun at La Bodega and I experienced this after so many years since the time I had my last dance - I was trying to project that I was fine then while dancing although I could feel the wines I drunk already sinking into my head so I decided to invite my friends to go home already as it's also getting late already and anticipating that as usual, every Saturday early morning, my parents would call me from the USA and I have to get up early and pretend as if everything is fine with me here… so nice to be in another place, away from home just trying to “be yourself, no matter what they say” as the song goes as long as my weekends would be full of activities otherwise, I would feel I am not complete!

Better City, Better Life, Better People.......

Oh thank God it’s Friday and just arrived home as I had dinner with my two housemates at Le Corniche, Casablanca – I drank Martini and Capuccino and could be the reason why I am still awake now.. As I am browsing websites, guess what I read?!? Am so happy to read that after a long time, I’ve never had updates about him since our last exchange of e-mails.. how I wish to see what he contributed in that project and he is truly right in saying – BETTER CITY, BETTER LIFE, BETTER PEOPLE! To wherever we are, I wish you nothing but all the very best…….

Until when.....

I thank God I feel better now unlike last weekend that I felt so weak due to abdominal pain.. Are you really happy or just projecting to be happy? It’s another year had passed and still hoping that someday I would be able to completely forget that time I last saw him….. Until when shall i feel that i am not happy on Labor Day!!!!!

Merci!!!!!!!

I just called my parents who are in the USA right now and as usual they are worried about me here in Casablanca, Morocco.. I assured them that I’m fine and my Mom advised me not to be too harsh in the office and I just laughed at her as she thought I could be tough just like when I was in our home country.. yes, I got a great job, position and pay here but what for?!? Still a stranger in this place and away from home.. When I had a meeting this afternoon with our Moroccan tax consultants who could hardly speak English, I realized that I really have to enroll in a French school soon as I could not also understand well what they are discussing to me.. fortunately, my Chief Accountant is very good in French and English so we were able to settle our concerns and issues.. and all I can say - Merci!!!

If Only.......

Yesterday, I visited my house together with our housemaid and did some cleaning as it's been months that I was not able to visit the place.. While helping in the cleaning of the rooms as the maid was busy outside fixing and removing grasses in the simple garden around the house, I heard her saying (in the local dialect) "I pity the owner of this house for she never tried to stay in this place and how i wish someone would take her heart for her to be happy and i will still be willing to serve her.." I paused for a while watching her through the glass windows, pulling unwanted grasses around the ornamental plants, smiled at her and said that's really my wish too and turned my back as my tears about to fall from my eyes.. we reached home late already and since i could hardly fall asleep, i continued watching the movie of Jennifer Love Hewitt entitled "If Only" (which i was able to watch the first part last 6 February) and as i was watching it made me cry again..lately, i've been trying to compose myself as i have a very significant decision to make in my life and as advised by my parents, brothers and sisters and closed friends - i will pursue where i believe i would be happy! Yes, IF ONLY it is so easy that i could do and express all what's inside my heart then i would not be crying everytime I pray to God..I am very sorry for I should not feel this way..I must always believe in You and You know what's best for me!